I knew you'd be lovely
by closestthingihave
Summary: Confident quirky Cas is an outsider at his new school. Tough popular & very handsome Dean takes an interest in Cas and becomes shy and sweet around him. Everything's amazing at first, but all good things must come to an end. Just for a while, anyway. ;) First proper destiel fic! Reviews are as always appreciated. As are criticisms. If you've taken the time to read this, THANK YOU!
1. Chapter 1

**Prologue **

**17****th**** November **

I'm supposed to be writing an essay about myself, but I can't seem to properly articulate my thoughts right now. I start with _'My name is Castiel Novak. I'm eighteen. It's only Tuesday but this is officially the worst week of my life.' _The bell rings. It's finally lunch break; I can have an hour to myself. I don't know how much more of this I can take. Why the hell did I even come today? I haven't seen him around. _Did he skip school? _I walk out of the class before anyone else even registers the bell. English literature is usually the one class I'm comfortable in. Not today. I feel sick. God, things weren't supposed to happen this way. I want to quit today. I think about ditching again, going home and just lying in bed all day. Maybe order some Chinese food.

_**Chapter 1 **_

(Four weeks ago)

"Castiel! Hey, Castiel! CASTIEL!" I hear someone call. I stop and turn back to look for who ever it was, but the hallway is too crowded and I get shoved into some kid with long hair and terrible acne. "Sorry," I say half-heartedly.

"Whatever man," he replies and walks away. I take off my headphones and run my hand through my hair and look around. Who was calling me? I am a little surprised because I don't have any friends. I just moved to this school last month and I haven't spoken to anyone yet. People seem to think I'm weird and automatically just keep their distance from me. Maybe they think my strange blue eyes can freeze people, or my messy black hair contains a zoo. It never mattered much to me anyway; I'm used to being on my own. I laugh quietly to myself and start thinking about the albums I want to buy after school today. Ben at the record store is always really nice to me.

I lean against my locker, humming the tune of a song I can barely remember and scan the tired faces of everyone passing by. My heart almost leaps out of my chest when a guy jumps right in front of me and grins playfully. The first things I notice are the golden freckles scattered on his nose and cheeks, and his deep green eyes staring right into mine. I clear my throat and smile back. "What's up?" he says. I've seen him around school; of course, he's one of the popular kids. All the girls swoon when he walks past. He's standing too close and not saying a word and I start getting uncomfortable. I shove him back a little and straighten up. "Were you the guy calling my name a moment ago?" I ask.

"Yeah, yeah, I just wanted to say hi. I'm Dean. Dean Winchester. How're you doing?" He offers me his hand and I take it, and when I start to let go he tightens his grip for a second before dropping it and putting his hands in his jacket pockets.

"Sorry, you're probably wondering 'who the fuck is this guy and why is he talking to me.'" He smiles nervously and continues, "It's just that I see you around a lot and you look so out of place and I heard you singing The Beatles earlier and I just thought it'd be nice to talk to you and stuff. You're really cute too." His eyes dart around nervously and his cheeks turn pink.

Wow, did Dean Winchester- Mr. sexy popular captain of the football team – just call me cute? What the hell is going on? Is this some kind of prank that they pull on the new weird kids? Did they find out I'm gay? I narrow my eyes at him and smile bitterly. "Right, okay, nice to meet you, I'm late for class." I step around him and walk away quickly. "Hey!" I hear him yell but before he can catch up to me, I duck into my next class and the bell rings.

A few hours pass and it's finally time to go home. I walk out of the school building and consider the bus but then I decide to walk, that way I can pass by the record store and maybe grab a milkshake on my way.

I put my headphones on, smile when I hear Brandon Flowers' voice. _"When there's nowhere else to run…" _I start to sing along, already forgetting the events that took place at school today. After about 10 minutes of walking, a car slows down beside me, and I hear Dean's voice. "Castiel," he yells, "Can I give you a ride home? Please! I just want to talk to you."

I think about it for a second but before I realize what I'm doing, I've already gotten into the passenger seat and paused the song I was listening to. "What do you want Dean? I'm not going to be the subject of some childish high school prank."

"A prank? Is that what you think this is? This isn't a prank, Cas. I meant the things I said." "Really? But you… you said I was cute." I look over at him and notice his hands gripping the wheel a little too tightly, his eyes staring straight ahead. He didn't ask about my address but I can't find it in me to care. "It's just, I don't know, that sort of came out, I didn't mean to, I mean I meant it, but I didn't want to say it, y'know? I'm sure you think I'm pathetic by now. I'm sorry, Cas, I'm sorry you thought I was kidding. I know the word around is that I'm an asshole." He stops talking, keeps staring straight ahead and there's a worry line between his eyebrows and his eyes look troubled and I just want to tell him that it's okay, _it's okay, Dean, I know. _He seems nervous around me, surprisingly. I decide to test my theory.

"Hey, turn right and pull over. There's a small diner that makes the best milkshakes ever. You can buy me one." I try not to laugh but it comes out anyway. His eyes widen a little but then he shrugs and does as I said. We get out of the car and he walks behind me. I hold the door open for him and he gets in, his face turning a deeper shade of pink. It's so adorable. I'm not sure if he's pranking me, but I'm going to have the upper hand.

After we settle down in a dimly lit booth where no one can see us, we order two milkshakes and French fries. He clears his throat. "So you come here a lot?"

"Oh yeah," I say, "all the time."

"Nice. Place looks decent." He looks me in the eyes and smiles. I get butterflies and almost spit my drink.

"Yes. It's great. Anna - the owner of the place- isn't here right now but she's a family friend so she's always really nice; saves this booth just for me." He raises his eyebrows at me and I realize what my sentence might imply. "It's… not what you think. I usually come here alone, to study or get my mind off things, and it's always crowded after school- you'd be surprised how many kids from school come here- so I like to sit round the back where it's nice and quiet." He nods his head and looks around. My left hand is getting warm and I realize that's because our hands are almost touching on the table. I pull mine away self-consciously and stuff a couple of French fries into my mouth.

The conversation slowly stops, but it isn't awkward. We drink our milkshakes, eat our fries and occasionally smile at each other. Half an hour in, Alfie – my little brother – surprises me by showing up and coming over to the booth. His real name isn't Alfie, it's Samandriel. Our parents had a thing for Greek and Christian mythology so they named us after angels. We used to call him Sam for short, but one day he just decided he wanted his name to be Alfie. And so that's what everyone calls him. Everyone except our parents, that is.

Before I see him, I hear him say, "Hey Cas, Rachel said you were in here, I need to- oh hey, um, sorry, she didn't say, I didn't realize you had someone with you, I'll just see you at home." He looks from me to Dean and smiles apologetically. Dean looks a little uncomfortable, and I find myself laughing.  
"It's okay, Alfie, this is Dean Winchester, from school. Dean, this is Alfie, my baby brother."

"Oh! Nice to meet you." They shake hands and Alfie says "You too! I'm not his 'baby brother' by the way, I'm 15." He hits my arm and I roll my eyes at him.

"Anyway I just wanted to ask if you knew where Michael is. I wanted to ask him something."

"No I have no clue. Why don't you ask me?" "No you'll laugh at me." "I'll try not to." "Ha ha. Okay. It's not your division anyway, but I kind of like this girl, her name is Meg but I don't know how to ask her out." I smile, hope Dean didn't catch the _It's not your division_ part. "Aw Alfie's got a crush, how adorable." I coo. He blushes and hits me on the arm again, "cut it out, Cas."

Dean speaks up, "If you want, I can give you some advice? My brother Sammy used to be the worst with girls. I helped him out a little and now he's got himself into a long-term relationship with the hottest girl on the planet. Her name's Jess. And she's head over heels for him, no kidding."

Alfie laughs, sits down and turns to Dean. He starts giving him some tips and I tune out, just watch the way Dean's lips move, the way his eyes crinkle when he laughs. A Coldplay song starts playing through the speakers of the diner, and I laugh, because Rachel knows I love this song.

I hum along softly, smiling at Dean

_"Come up to meet you, tell you I'm sorry..._

_You don't know how lovely you are ..."_

Alfie pays no attention to me. He is, after all, used to me singing all the time. But Dean looks over at me with the corner of his eyes, loses attention for a second and then clears his throat and focuses on Alfie again, his cheeks slightly pink.

I watch Alfie's eyes widening, trying to absorb everything Dean says. And here I am, sitting in my favorite diner, with a popular boy from school who blushes around me, and makes me blush, and he's giving girl advice to my little brother and they're laughing, and I'm smiling at them, and this is the best milkshake I've ever had and the French fries are just perfect.

Maybe everyone at this school isn't so bad after all.


	2. Chapter 2

_**Chapter 2**_

Let me tell you a couple of things about myself. I supposedly live with my two brothers, Michael, the oldest, and Alfie in a nice two-story house with a backyard. Michael got married last summer so now he lives in his own house, a couple of streets down from ours. Alfie likes to stay with him, so I'm usually there on my own.

It's been a couple of weeks since the day me and Dean Winchester first hung out. Let me just say, it was probably the most fun I'd had in months. The thing about Dean Winchester is that he's absolutely drop-dead gorgeous. He has this way of making you want to just stare at him, no matter who you are. Gorgeous green eyes, gorgeous bronze hair, perfect white teeth, and a smile that could seduce anyone in a matter of seconds. I could honestly spend the rest of my life counting the barely visible freckles on his face or how many times he gives me butterflies or how many times he's made me smile. I mean, I'm 5'10" and skinny with black hair and blue eyes and boring pale skin. But Dean, ah what can I say? He's 6'1", has the perfectly built body of a male model that works out for breakfast every day, and has the sexiest car – _a '67 Chevy Impala_ – that I have ever laid eyes on.

He's 100% different from his reputation, too. He only hangs out with two guys from school and they're on his football team.

There are about a hundred rumors going on about him. _He's too good for high school girls. He goes out with college girls all the time and sleeps with them in the backseat of his car. He is gay. He's married to a 27-year-old woman he met in a bar. He's 21. No, he's 22. He has a younger brother in Jail. He has no family. He has a rich family but he left them for a girl who he hides in his apartment. _

The rumors get more ridiculous every time I hear them. But I know the truth about Dean Winchester. I know him because we've been spending every day of the past two weeks together. I know him because after our first "date" he drove me home when I asked him to and he smiled when I kissed him goodnight on his cheek. I know him because we spent hours in my house, just talking about our lives and about the things we love. He told me all about his family, how since his mother passed away, his father is never around. That's why he had to take care of his little brother all his life. I was surprised when he told me he's saving up to send Sam to college, because Dean just didn't seem like the type who'd do that for his brother. I love the way he always calls him Sammy. He said that Sam's a real smart kid and he's always going on about wanting to become a lawyer, and Dean wants to give him that one thing. I mentally noted things about Dean; the way he seems to carry his family's burdens, his passion for cheeseburgers and classic rock. We talked about my family too, how my parents are always disappointed in me because I want to become a writer instead of a doctor like they always imagined for me. We talked about my fear of heights and falling, and his fear of planes and flying.

And it's been that way for the past couple of weeks; smiles and subtle winks at school, long intimate conversations after. So to all those people talking bullshit about Dean, you don't know him the way I do. He's the sweetest guy I've ever meet, and he's all smiles and polite questions and messy meals and drunken laughs around me and I love him, I know it's far too early to be saying that, but I know him like the back of my hand, and I love him, I love him, I love him.

Today's a Friday. It's officially been three weeks since I met Dean Winchester. I walk into school with high spirits, planning the weekend in my head. The bell rings signaling the first class and I realize I'm going to be late so I sprint to my locker, grab my History books and run into class. The teacher smiles at me, "you're lucky I just got here a second ago, Castiel, or you would have been in trouble," I smile apologetically, run my hand through my hair. "Well what are you waiting for? Take your seat."

The rest of the day passes by in a blur, everyone around me buzzing with excitement over the weekend. I head out and wait for Dean by his car. We decided we'd head over to my place since Alfie was at my parents' again and order takeout. I lean back against the car, close my eyes, humming contentedly to myself. "Hey babe," a voice pulls me out of my mind palace and Dean is standing at the other side of the car grinning at me. I laugh. "Come on let's go, I'm exhausted!"

Dean parks the car in the driveway and we grab our backpacks, get in the house and order the food. After we eat, he makes himself comfortable in the living room, and I hear him yawning from the kitchen where I went to call Alfie and tell him to call if he decided to come home early. He realizes I've got company and teases me about it a little before I tell him I can't be impolite to my "guest" so I have to go, we laugh and say goodbye and I hang up.

I head to the living room, lean unseen on the door and watch him stretched out on the couch, laughing at some lame show on TV. He looks back a few moments later and smiles, signals for me to come closer. I walk over to him, sit on the floor leaning my head back against his stomach and we watch a couple of movies, talking about random things in between, and then he turns off the TV. I turn to him and realize our faces are too close. I put my hand on his face and he closes his eyes and leans into my touch and _oh my god it's happening, and he presses his lips to mine and we're kissing and it starts off slow and exploring and sweet but it turns into hunger and passion and his hands in my hair and my hands on his chest and I'm on top of him on my tiny couch and we kiss until we can't breathe anymore and my lips are numb and his are slightly swollen. _

I get off the couch, stand up and smile down at him. "We fit perfectly together," he whispers, still a little out of breath. I laugh, look at his face and wonder how I ever got so lucky and he's blushing, and I start laughing even harder. He joins in and a few minutes later we're both red in the face and trying to catch our breath. I pull him up and wrap my arms around his waist. We're standing nose to nose and I whisper, "Where were you?"

He closes his eyes and says "Right here, Cas. I'm right here." "Then don't go," I reply hopefully, my eyes closed. I feel him stiffen and then his hands are in my hair and he kisses me softly once, and then asks if he can spend the night here. I check the clock on the wall. "Yeah I'd love that, Dean. It's getting late anyway, of course you can stay." I smile and pull away, pecking him on the nose and then walking to the kitchen. "Would you like something to drink?"

"Yeah coffee sounds great right now." He walks into the kitchen behind me and sits down on the counter.

So I make us coffee and we sit on the floor in my living room drinking it and laughing at things we did when were 10. I know it's far too soon and we're far too young, and this may never work, but for now it just feels so simple, sitting here and drinking coffee, the only sounds our hushed conversation and the cars passing by in front of the house.

An hour later, we decide we're both really tired and should go to bed. A little awkwardness rises with the implication that it's "bed" time. I take his hand, determined to not let anything ruin tonight. We go upstairs and he says he could sleep on the couch or in another room but I tell him to shut up because it's cold anyway, and we could keep each other warm. He grins looking absolutely predatory, and for a fleeting moment, I see the Dean that everyone at school knows. It sends shivers down my spine and I tighten my grip on his hand.

We walk into my bedroom, and because we're so tired and a little embarrassed, we just sort of get into bed without changing. We get under the covers, noting that it's suddenly colder than before. We curl towards each other and Dean's hands hold both of mine and he rubs them together, always staring into my eyes. We fall asleep in that position, facing each other, our legs tangled, too close on a bed that could easily fit four people.

The rest of the weekend flies by, and Dean stays over on Sunday too, so we drive to school together on Monday, half-asleep because we stayed up all night eating pizza and doing awful impersonations of celebrities we dislike. We realize we're 30 minutes early so we decide to wait in the car. Two minutes in, I get a call from Michael, which surprises me because he has no reason to call me on a Monday morning unless it's an emergency. I pick up, my heart beating too loud in my chest. "Michael! What's up?" I try to sound calm.

"Castiel! What the hell do you think you're doing?" He yells and I almost drop my phone. I look over at Dean and he's staring at me with wide eyes. Damn it, I forgot how loud my phone speakers are. "What- what are you talking about? I didn't-"

He cuts me off saying "Cas, ENOUGH! I can not believe you're going back to your disgusting habit. I thought I made it clear that what you're doing needs to stop! I will not have my little brother be a freak! This is sick!"

I feel the heat crawling up to my face and my hands start to shake.

"Michael how did you…" "How did I what, Castiel? Find out? That doesn't matter! Is that Dan kid beside you right now?"

"His name is Dean. And that's none of your business. What do you want?" I spit the words out angrily.

"I want to tell him to stay away from you or I'm going to break his bones!" He yells so loud I feel the words inside my head. I open my mouth to protest but I find myself completely unable to move or speak or breathe.

Dean looks like he'd rather be anywhere else right now. I'd rather be anywhere else right now, for fuck's sake. I knew this was coming, I knew it, I just didn't want to face it. I wonder if Alfie told Michael. He's a good little kid and was always the only one who supported me, but he can't keep his mouth shut if his life depended on it. I realize that Michael is still talking, but I've stopped listening. Dean gets out of the car having heard enough, and I watch him kick the wall and look at me like he wishes I didn't exist. I hang up and slowly put my phone back in my backpack, get out of the car, and look at Dean. "WHAT THE HELL CAS? I don't want to be part of this mess. I was nervous getting into this in the first place, and now you have an older brother who wants to 'break my bones' because I'm fucking hanging out with his fucking fag brother?"

Dean's words come out of his mouth and slap me so hard I can almost feel it on my face. I try to reply, defend myself, tell him to _stop hitting me, it hurts, Dean it hurts_.

He looks around, making sure no one's around, and then he points his finger at me and says "you deal with your fucking problems, don't pull me in with you. This whole thing was a fucking mistake," and then he walks away. He just walks away and he doesn't look back. I stand there feeling like someone just stuck a blade in my chest and they're standing on my throat and I feel so helpless, and I just stand there for what feels like forever.

I hear the school bell in the distance and I look around. People are starting to show up and they walk around me like I'm invisible_. Help me._ But no one can hear me, of course, because I don't say it out loud.

I spot Alfie getting out of the bus and he looks around frantically until his eyes meet mine. He sees me standing alone beside Dean's car but Dean isn't there, and he notices the look on my face and his eyes immediately fall to the ground, his cheeks flushed, guilt written all over him. He looks back up at me and mouths "sorry" and then he disappears in the crowd of people walking into the school.

I feel sick. I start running. I have no idea where I'm going, but I run as fast as I can to get away. I run until my lungs burn and my legs can't hold me up anymore and I collapse on the sidewalk of a street I don't know, trying to focus on breathing.

What now?


	3. Chapter 3

_**Chapter 3**_

I notice a sign that says "Children's park" and I figure it's going to be empty because it's a school day. I walk in, find a bench and sit down. "There's nothing wrong with me," I whisper.

Hours pass by, and I sit there on the bench all day. My phone keeps ringing but I can't find it in me to care. Around 7 pm, a man in uniform tells me that I can't sit here anymore. I apologize, pick up my bag and take a town bus home. It takes 20 minutes, and then I'm home, I unlock the front door, throw my bag in the hallway and run upstairs to my bedroom and shut the door. In my hurry, I don't notice that all the lights were on so I'm taken aback when someone knocks on my door. "Come in," I say unsurely.

The door slowly opens and Alfie walks in, still looking as guilty as he did this morning. I'm in bed and I pull the cover up to my face. "What do you want?"

He sits on the edge of my bed and I force myself to look at him. "Cas I am so so so so sorry. I didn't mean to say anything, it just kind of slipped out and he was so angry he hit me and I couldn't say anything to defend you and I am the worst brother ever. I'm so sorry." He looks at his hand, his eyes filling with tears. I can't find it in me to be angry at him, and I shudder at the thought of Michael hitting Alfie again; my baby brother, the little blonde kid with big innocent blue eyes that always denied eating my chocolate even though I could see the evidence of it around his mouth. I hate Michael more than ever right now. How could he? And what excuse did he use this time? Cas didn't obey our father's rules so I hit the little kid? Dammit.

So I just sigh and pat the space beside me. He looks hopeful all of a sudden and lies down beside me, hiding his face in my arm.

"Cas, I just want you to know, I don't think you're a freak or anything. I mean, I don't, I don't know, I guess what I'm trying to say is you're my big brother and you're the only one who's always looked out for me and when we were little and I'd have a bad dream we'd lie in bed just like this and,"

He goes quiet for a second. "Wow I talk too much," he laughs but it comes out a little broken. "What I mean is I'll always love you no matter what happens. You may be cold and stubborn and irritable at times, and you sing way too loud in the shower, but I still wouldn't have anyone else be my brother. Don't worry about Michael, he's just being a jerk."

I smile although he can't see it because his face is still buried in my side. I put my arm around him and ruffle his hair. "You're a great kid, Alfie. I'm lucky to have you as a brother. Really, I am. You're going to be a great man. You're going to be greater than me or Michael or even dad."

We stay like that for a while, just me and my little brother against the world. Alfie falls asleep and I think of Dean. We have a lot more in common than I thought. If it weren't for everything that happened today, I'd feel like maybe I'm not so alone in this whole "taking care of my little brother thing."

Dean would understand, more than anyone else. God I miss him. I don't want to, but I do. I'm thinking maybe we might really have to break it off.

Even if Michael comes around, which won't happen, what Dean said to me is still echoing around in my head. Maybe he's right, maybe this whole thing was a mistake. After all, he does have a reputation he needs to maintain. Just because he's shy and sweet around me doesn't mean that's what he's actually like; and maybe he really liked me too, but that doesn't matter to a guy like Dean Winchester when his image and his self-esteem are in danger. I grab a book from my bedside table and try to get my mind off today. I read the same page 9 times and fall asleep.

* * *

It's Tuesday, and I can't believe Alfie talked me into going to school and facing Dean.

I'm supposed to be writing an essay about myself, but I can't seem to properly articulate my thoughts right now. I start with _'My name is Castiel Novak. I'm eighteen. It's only Tuesday but this is officially the worst week of my life.' _The bell rings. It's finally lunch break; I can have an hour to myself. I don't know how much more of this I can take. Why the hell did I even come today?

I haven't seen him around. _Did he skip school? _I walk out of the class before anyone else even registers the bell. English literature is usually the one class I'm comfortable in. Not today. I feel sick. God, things weren't supposed to happen this way. I want to quit today. I think about ditching again, going home and just lying in bed all day. Maybe order some Chinese food.

I breathe, walk to the cafeteria trying to look for Dean. He's nowhere to be seen, so I walk out again and go to his locker. I take out a paper from my notepad, write him a message and pin it on his locker. The note says "Call me. We need to talk."

I make it through the rest of the day and decide to go to Anna's diner. Rachel might be able to give me some advice. Or I could just get an Iced Caramel Latte because it always makes me feel better. I get there, say hi to Ash who's covering Rachel's shift today and make my order. I head to my usual booth in the back and my stomach turns when I find Dean sitting there. My words come out blunt and cold when I speak, the anger radiating in them. "Oh, Dean, I didn't know you were- I'm just gonna, I'm gonna go." I start to walk away but he stands up and grabs my arm.

"Hey, no, I figured you might come here after school so I came to talk to you. Please sit down?" He says nervously, and I reluctantly do as he said. He sits down across me and takes a deep breath. Before he can say anything, Ash comes with my Latte and a glass of water for Dean.

I smile and thank him. We watch him leave and then Dean gulps down the whole glass of water. I take a small sip of the latte and look at Dean, my eyes narrowed. He says "right, yeah, um, okay I just wanted to say I'm sorry for the things I said, I didn't mean them and all that."

I smile. "No you meant them, Dean. You meant every word. They say people are only honest when they're drunk, angry, or scared. I think they're right. And you were angry _and_ scared."

He looks down guiltily and plays with the corner of the table cloth. "Yeah well I'm sorry."

"You called me a fag. _Out of all things, you called me a fag_. And you were mean for no good reason. It was rude and hurtful." I watch his expression go from guilty to hurt to confused and then back to guilty.

I continue, relishing in the chance to get it all out. "And let me remind you that I was minding my own fucking business at school when _you_ cornered me and started babbling about how cute I was? Still I walked away, but you FOLLOWED ME WITH YOUR CAR. And now you say you were nervous getting into this, that it was a MISTAKE. You pulled me Dean and I fell for you, I fell so hard, and don't pretend like you didn't know about Michael. You know about my religious family and how Michael is just another version of my dad. You knew all that because you know things about me that I haven't told to another soul. And I know things about you too, I know you like the back of my hand, which is why I don't understand why you'd give up so damn easily. It was just a bump in the road, we could've gotten past it."

His eyes widen, and I stare down into them, feeling my anger and my heart melting away. "Cas, I know, I'm sorry, it's just, I'm not used to this whole "relationship" thing, let alone a relationship with a guy. I really like you, I do, you are amazing and intelligent and witty and hilarious and kind and you make me feel special and you never fucking shut up and I love everything about you. I'm just confused, that's all. I'm just not good at this, and it's been a while. I just sort of figured I shouldn't… I mean… I was just confused, that's all. I know I was a dick, a total asshole, but I really didn't mean them. I know, I knew what I was getting into the moment I saw you standing there, humming to yourself and scanning the faces around you. I just reacted badly yesterday, that's all." He says the last sentence with a kind of broken hopeful laugh.

"Please, Cas. I'm sorry. I couldn't sleep at all last night, I stayed up just thinking about you and hating myself."

He finishes talking and I stare at him for a minute, his eyes darting around nervously and his freckles standing out against his reddened cheeks.

"I'm sorry to hear that, Dean. Sorry I kept you up. You were right though- perhaps this whole thing was a mistake. Because Michael isn't the whole problem, right? I figured it out. This is about you being insecure. I mean look at you. You're attractive and tall and captain of the football team and you drink beer and make girls swoon. And I'm just, I'm just me. I'm unattractive and boring and I talk a lot and make unfunny jokes and drink milkshakes. You can't risk ruining your 'reputation' by being with me. And I can't risk getting left behind because I wasn't enough to keep you happy or because I don't make you look good. I don't hide my real self because I'm afraid of what people might think of me. You do. I will go down fighting for the things I care about and believe in. That's where we're different. And that's why this will never work." I say it all in one breath and then stand up.

"Cas, what? No… hey, don't be like that." He whispers, not looking at me.

I leave him sitting there, his mouth slightly open and his hands clenched tight around the table cloth, and I walk away. I pay for my unfinished Latte at the counter and then leave, feeling the weight I've been carrying lifting from my shoulders.


	4. Chapter 4

_**Chapter 4**_

The rest of the week passes by quickly. I get up in the morning, take a shower, have breakfast, go to school, avoid Dean, go home, do my homework, have dinner, think about Dean, go to sleep, and basically do it all again the next day. My anger vanishes completely, and leaves me with a longing for Dean; for a chance to turn back time and fix everything.

Before I know it, it's Friday and I'd just finished last period. "Cas" I hear Dean's voice calling my name and I turn around.

"What do you want Dean?" I sound a lot stronger than I feel. Dean grabs my hand, in the middle of the parking lot of the school and looks me straight in the eye.

He takes a deep breath and starts talking. "Castiel, listen to me. I know I was a total douche, and I honest to God would do anything- _anything_ at all- to take it back."

A small crowd starts gathering around us, people listening to these two guys who are holding hands. Dean doesn't seem to care, and that makes my heart swell a little. He continues talking. "If I could, I would take it all away; the things I said, the things Michael said, and all the things you've gone through. I'd take it all away, because I love you. I know it probably doesn't mean much, because we're young and we haven't known each other for long, Cas, but I feel like I love you. And I really think we could be something- _are_ something special. Just give me a second chance. Please?"

The crowd starts to cheer. Someone I can't see yells "yeah, give him a chance!"

I stare at Dean, biting my bottom lip, and I hear someone say "Oh my God that's Dean Winchester. I always knew he was gay! It's so brave that he's doing this in front of everyone." And people start to clap. I don't say a word, but Dean is still holding my hands, and the crowd slowly starts to disperse. A few people wink at me while they walk away; others clap Dean on his back.

When we're almost alone, I speak up. "Dean that was… wow… but why did you do this? People are going to talk and it's not all going to be cheers and handshakes and someone's going to, and it's, you're going to regret it"

He cuts me off with a kiss. I hear a whistle from a distance, then it's quite again. "Shush, Cas don't. It'll be fine. I don't give a shit about what anyone thinks anymore. You were right, I was a coward, but I'm not anymore and I'm not afraid of standing up for the people I love and the things I care about." He smiles and I fall for him all over again. He pulls me to the impala and we drive away, all the while smiling and singing along to Dead or Alive by Bon Jovi.

We get to my apartment and Dean says he has a surprise for me. I raise my eyebrows, unlock the front door and walk in, Dean behind me.

I get to the living room and gasp. Sitting on the couch are four people, out of which I only know one person; Alfie. I look at the dining table and there's a feast fit for 16 people. In the middle of the table, there's a cake that has "sorry" written on it with caramel sauce; my favorite thing in the world.

I feel my heart beating a little too fast inside my chest and I hug Dean as tight as I can. "I love you, too." I whisper so that only he can hear. He laughs, pulls away from the hug and turns me towards the other people in the room.

First, I shake hands with Sam Winchester, who is the tallest guy I have ever seen. I have to tilt my head back to get a look at his face when I'm standing at a close distance. He has long brown hair and a childish goofy smile.

Then, there's Jess; blonde, drop-dead gorgeous, and a polite smile. Sam puts his hand on her back and introduces her as his girlfriend.

Finally, there's Meg, who I already knew all about because Alfie never stops talking about her and her dark silky hair and her leather jacket and her cunning smile. He hadn't told me that she finally agreed to go out with him though, and he smiles shyly at me when I ruffle his hair.

Apparently, Dean called Alfie and Sam for help, so they'd all skipped school today- all except Dean- to prepare this.

I'd tell you all about the dinner and how much we ate and the things we talked about and how we laughed so hard we almost threw up, but none of those things matter. This is what matters. Family doesn't end with blood, and I finally had a family. The five people sitting around the table that evening; those ended up being my family. They were everything I needed.

Me and Dean, well, we figured out how to make things work. He made me happier than I'd ever been, and eventually, even Michael could accept that. He didn't like it at all, mind you, but he accepted it. We went to college, and we got jobs, and we lost friends and we made new ones, but through it all, Dean and I stuck together, hand in hand, just the two of us against the world. Well, Alfie and Sammy were always around too, of course, but they were more than welcome.

Every morning I woke up beside him, I fell in love with him all over again. I fell more in love with him with every kiss, and every smile, and every joke, and even every time we had a fight. And at night, when he'd reach out to touch me, my heart would rise in my throat and I'd moan silently, like a prayer for which no words exist.

I knew it would be lovely.


End file.
